Chicago Cubs Jeff Baker lights fart on fire and misses a few games
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5/6 19:55: According to Deadspin, circumstantial evidence indicates that Baker was out of the lineup for more than a week because he’s in a platoon. Since April 26, the Cubs have faced mostly right-handed pitchers.
The article goes on to say that every reliever got in the series immediately following Baker’s last start and no starter missed their turn through the rotation.
We like the story so much that we’re going to believe that it happened despite what the evidence may indicate.
5/6 14:58: According to hirejimessian.com, Jeff Baker of the Chicago Cubs missed several consecutive days at the end of April and the beginning of May due to a farting accident. Here’s the post:
By the way, there is a reason Baker has not been starting until today. I know someone in the Cubs organization, who informed me last week that Baker and two pitchers, one of them a starter, were lighting farts in the clubhouse, when something went awry, and Baker suffered second degree burns to his patoot. Even worse, a pitcher got a slight burn on his throwing hand. The hair on Bakers behind got singed, so he is now hairless there. In tonights game, he was lifted for a pinch hitter, something Lou never does. The reason—–the blisters on his bottom burst, causing so much water, that Theriot accused him of wetting his pants. He never came out of the clubhouse, so Lou was forced to put in Fontenot.
There’s no official word from the Cubs, and we shouldn’t expect it. When Carrie Muskat, the beat writer for the Chicago Cubs for MLB.com was questioned about Baker’s whereabouts, she said, “You’re right, Baker hasn’t played since April 26.” I’m wondering if she knows a little more than she wants to say in public.
Lesson of the day: have a bucket of water around when you decide to light your farts on fire.
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